First and foremost, in Alice McKay's world, cows are not used as food. Cows are used for dairy only (and sometimes supervised labor if the job is simple enough and can keep their attention).
There's no way around it, cows need to be milked. Twice daily, Alice's cows congregate in the barn for the necessary chore. While cows have a natural aversion to technology, they tolerate the milking machine as necessity. It not only brings relief of discomfort but, to a few, it gives a greater or lesser degree of pleasure. Alice's milking rig can only accommodate ten cows at a time. At roughly twenty minutes a cow, that's one-hundred minutes (give or take) of milking, twice a day. While the cows would love for Alice to toss out the technology and resort to hand milking, I'm sure you can understand why Alice just wouldn't have the time for that. Milking is also a noisy event, as the cows use the time to gossip and giggle about what they're going to do that day or what they've done that day (depending on the time of course). And they need to talk loudly enough to be heard over the rumbling hiss of the milking machine.
As well spoken as cows tend to be, they're not particularly intelligent. They are, to a certain extent, selfish, yet innocent. They are typically kind and gentle and would never, ever, intend harm to anyone (which is not to say their actions will never harm anyone, just ask Alice). They believe in fairness. The infamous "Milking machine test vote" was not some scheme to get even with Farmer Alice. It was fairness. Why should the cows be expected to put up with all this new fangled technology if Alice herself wasn't going to ensure its safety?
Cows, as individuals or a herd, wouldn't dream of hurting a fly. In fact, the accidental smooshing of a bug has been known to produce tears (except spiders. All cows hate spiders).
Cows have their own unique personalities, ranging from quietly confident to flat out worry wart, to acerbic and biting (well as close to acerbic and biting as a cow can get, which, by human standards, isn't very). Alice's cows are well treated and therefore usually relaxed and confident (maybe a little too confident if the aforementioned vote has anything to say about it).
Cows, as I'm sure you've noticed, are either easily distracted, or so intensely focused on something they'll ignore pretty much everything else. Cows are naturally somewhat dim but high emotion and traumatic events can cause the aforementioned focus (threat of death, loss of plushies, etc.).
All cows have very short term memories. Or, rather, their memories are fine but their retrieval systems are questionable at best. Some data seems to have no problem sticking in their minds though. Their names for example, every cow knows the names of the rest of the herd. It might be associative. Every cow also wears a number tag in her left ear, perhaps seeing that number is all it takes to recall a name.
How do cows spend the day? Playing usually, or "frolicking" as the cows themselves put it. It doesn't seem to matter the age of the cow, they're all playful. Tag, racing, hopscotch, etc. The physical activities tend to slow down as the afternoon milking approaches. Certain assets start getting a little sore. Activities then turn to less, well, bouncy ones. Singing, telling stories and so forth. And gossip. The cow pasture and barn just wouldn't seem normal without the almost constant streams of cow chatter.
Cows are fed two meals a day (after each milking). Usually a salad of veggies and grain. The cows also graze lightly throughout the day. Cows do not eat grass. Grass is for lying down in. A lot of wild (and not so wild) vegetables are to be found out in the pastures, along with berry bushes, a few stray apple trees and flowers! There isn't a flower a cow won't eat.
The cows spend all of their time together as a herd. It is extremely rare that any of them are, for any reason, separated from the rest.
The cows are released to pasture after each milking/feeding but are called back to the barn at around ten in the evening to go to sleep (theoretically). Sleep, however, is not usually instant. Alice tries to ignore the loud whispering, giggling and other sounds that carry through the open windows of her house.
On the subject of those "other sounds", cows will not encounter bulls unless a breeding is planned. Any sexual tensions that may arise are dealt with amongst themselves, usually in the barn, at night, when they're supposed to be sleeping. Alice is frequently dealing with a few tired but satisfied looking cows in the morning.
Cows are loyal. They generally won't talk to people they don't know and are even quite shy with Alice's acquaintances. There are three notable exceptions:
Dr. Josephine Randal (Dr. Jo to the cows) is the local cow doctor.
Mary-Jane Findlebottom, Alice's self proclaimed best friend
Emit, the grizzled old ferret who makes the daily rounds with the milk wagon
Cow colours. Alice's herd consists of thirty-eight cows. Thirty-six of these are the classic black and white. The two exceptions are # 13 (Lulubelle) who completely lacks any black pigmentation, and # 38 (Apple) who is a different species of cow and is a rich brown colour. She also has no horns which she is sort of self conscious of so she wears her poofy side pigtails to help hide their absence. One other, sort of, exception is # 37 (Jezibelle) who has far more black than white on her hide. All cows have the same pink noses, inner ears, breasts and nether regions. Fingers and hooves are black (except Lulubelle's, of course, which are a light tan colour).
Cow numbering. The number tags all of Alice's cows wear are not indicative of rank. They are simply a way of making Alice's paperwork easier. Age is a much more accurate rank meter but even that isn't the end all system. Alice lets the cows figure out their own hierarchy. Typically, the smartest cow ends up being in charge because she comes up with the most entertaining things to do.
Cows are obsessed with all things cute. You already know they all have plushies. If they could get their hands on posters of bunnies or kittens, the barn walls would be covered with them. Except Lulubelle's stall, she'd have pictures of herself on the walls.
Cows of note:
#1 Daisybelle - The #1 cow is usually assigned the role of "official spokes cow". Any concerns the herd may have are passed on to Alice through Daisybelle, who takes her job very seriously. Alice just wishes Daisybelle could distinguish between the important and the trivial and deal with them accordingly.
#2 Clarabelle – Pretty much the leader of the pack. Clarabelle is looked to by the rest of the herd for guidance. Clarabelle is uncommonly smart for a cow. Cows normally take things as they come and are content with the status-quo. Clarabelle is cursed with an overly active imagination. She is capable of planning ahead, not necessarily wisely, but she can. She has also, astoundingly, taught herself to read! No cow (at least, no cow that anyone has heard of) has ever managed this. Clarabelle is the only cow in the herd with an interest in greater aspirations.
#13 Lulubelle – All cows are a wee bit self centered but, since what benefits one cow generally benefits the herd, it's hardly noticeable. Lulubelle, however, is downright selfish. Most of her fretting and whining is for attention. She's good at pointing fingers and naming names. She doesn't do it because she has any intentions or plans to get other cows in trouble it's just in her nature. Lulubelle is also a clean freak. Cows aren't typically dirty creatures (the barn has a few cow sized bathtubs and a boiler for hot water) but Lulubelle is extreme.
#23 Corabelle – Corabelle has the distinction of being the oldest member of the herd. To the untrained eye she is indistinguishable from any of the others. Cows age well. Being the oldest Corabelle is also the most laid back with a strong "been there, done that" sort of attitude. She's the one the rest of the herd comes to for clarification of cow/farmer relations and etiquette. Unfortunately, Corabelle is no smarter than your average cow and her advice can be sort of unreliable.
#33 Isabelle – Lulubelle's keeper. Isabelle is usually on hand to keep Lulubelle from doing/saying something really stupid (even if it means slapping #13 in the head). She's the closest thing there is to a cow with a temper. Isabelle hasn't got the patience to deal with long hair so is the only cow in the herd who keeps her hair quite short. She's often at odds with #37
#37 Jezibelle – Jezibelle is the "black sheep" of the herd (relatively speaking). She'll play dirty tricks on the others and poke fun at others' misfortunes. Cows are not violent creatures but Jezibelle and Isabelle came to blows once, well one blow actually. The one punch thrown resulted in a crying Isabelle (clutching a hurting hand) and a crying Jezibelle (clutching a hurting nose) and a stern reprimand from Farmer Alice. Jezibelle and Isabelle don't get along very well as you can imagine.
#38 Apple – Apple has a lot of distinctions. She's the youngest cow in the herd. At 19 she's also the only member of the herd who's younger than Farmer Alice. She's a different species and her very different colour and lack of horns make her stand out rather noticeably from the rest. She sometimes feels out of place and uncomfortable because of this. None of the other cows have given her reason to feel this way (Clarabelle and, more importantly, Farmer Alice have firmly told certain other cows to leave Apple alone) she's just too shiny and new to have much confidence. Apple is showing strong signs of being every bit as smart as Clarabelle. Alice has noticed this and is fearfully awaiting the day Clarabelle makes the same discovery. Clarabelle with a protégé is a frightening thought.
Now, all these descriptions are in relation to other cows. Compared to people (when I say people, I mean the beings in charge, which, in Alice McKay's world, aren't just humans) cows are a pretty mild lot. Even the worst of them are pretty much innocent. Cows can and will step out of character on occasion (we all do). The smartest can come up with something pretty dumb, the meekest can do something very courageous.
Some cow stats:
Females stand around seven feet tall. Males can reach eight feet easy.
Females are milk providers. Males are used solely for breeding purposes.
There are far fewer males than females.
Males are understandably content with their lives.
Males are just as dim as the average female.
To be continued in Part 3: The World
1 comment:
So...is it possible for human/cowgirl "relations", then?
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